Written for: Carpe Diem Special #934, onions
a morning of snow
only the onions in the garden
blaze the trail
© Basho (Tr. Jane Reichhold)
This HWT is called Narrowing Focus and it was used often by Buson (1716-1784)) because, he as an artist, a painter, was a very visual person. Basho and earlier poets were completely comfortable in using this haiku writing technique.
The above poem starts basically with a wide-angle lens on the world in the 1st line, then switches to a normal lens for the 2nd line and zooms in for a close up in the end. The technique sounds simple, and when done well it’s very effective in bringing the reader’s attention down to one basic element or fact of the haiku.
In this poem Basho added another element to the technique with the idea that the close-up image – the trail at one’s feet – is covered up with snow so it cannot be seen.
in the moonlight
Wisteria flowers look fragile –
a gust of wind
© Chèvrefeuille (our host)
Here is my attempt:
at the wedding
all those lovely pastel gowns–