Written for: dVerse Poets Pub – Meeting The Bar: Critique and Craft
“Descriptive Detail” – (Posted by Frank H.)
“The topic today is descriptive detail. This is the part that tells the reader what the poem is about. It is how the reader will remember the poem and describe it to others.
Presenting this detail doesn’t mean there isn’t more going on in the poem. It is just the entry door to a room full of metaphor for what the poem really means which the poet doesn’t want to say explicitly and perhaps can’t say explicitly.
To participate in this prompt write a poem paying attention to the descriptive detail that will tell readers what the poem is about and what you hope will hold their interest and make them want to read it again.”
How the poet handles this description may motivate the reader to remember the poem and read it again.”
Indigo glowed
when darkness
ruled the sky.
No one knew
what it was.
At dawn’s blush,
the strange stone
looked like a
nondescript pale
blue rock. Gleamed
only at night.
Squabbles arose
amongst the kids.
Julio said, “I should
keep it; I found it.”
Marge said, “We were
all there at the beach
when you spotted it.
We should each have
a turn.” They could
not agree on the true
owner.
Met at the beach
when twilight purple
turned to ink. Gathered
’round the gem whose
indigo glow was brighter
than all the stars.
Solemn silence on cool
sand. Only the hypnotic
white waves spoke. Soon,
zephyrs blew over
the sand. Air became
electric. Lightning
zig-zagged, rolling
thunder boomed. The kids
scrambled to get up
and go home. When they
looked down on shifting
sands, the jewel was gone.
“I hope whoever finds
it next, shares it,”
said Julio. “Everyone
should have a turn. We
did not protect it.”
Disappointed, the kids
headed home. Somewhere
indigo glowed.
Nice description of that indigo stone that glowed only at night, how it was found and then lost with the final hope that it be shared when it is found again.
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Thanks, Frank!
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Excellent writing Sara — wonderful descriptors. Fascinating tale of the mysterious blue rock. 🙂
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Thanks, Rob. I had restraint, could have made the rock purple, but . . .
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Wow that ending gave me the goosebumps. I love the mystical aspect of the indigo and that it can visit and then travel on, leaving a lasting impression.
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I think that rock goes where it wants and needs to, leaving bits of wisdom in its wake. (K)
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I like that path. Let’s use it!
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Great story, subtle nuance.
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Thanks, Bev – exactly what I was going for!
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I think the gem would not accept anyone who claimed ownership…. and hence it will never be claimed.
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I like that!
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