Marbled Jade

Written for:  dVerse Poets Pub – Meeting The bar:  Metaphorically speaking 
(posted by Bjorn)

“Today I wanted to revisit one of my favorite subjects of writing (poetry), and that is the metaphor. To expand on something and create something entirely new and unique.

First of all, the metaphor is not the same as the simile.

The simile compares something to something else…

The second thing about a metaphor is that it has to be new and unique. Otherwise it’s in best case repeating a well known cliche, and in worst case stealing (that said you can come up with the same idea independently)

Metaphors are also best used to express abstract concepts such as emotions, or describe someone’s character.

It often helps to make the metaphor exact and precise.

So today I want you to invent new metaphors, try to surprise, combine them and paint your emotions or feelings in the you like (which is actually a cliche in itself). Do not hesitate to make them complex.”

His marbled jade eyes shot
green stars into her own.
She took a deep breath.
She had come to Charley’s
with a first date. He was
proving to be a cantaloupe
with seeds for brains. Just
her luck to spot this chiseled
statue with his own date dangling
on his arm. Grudgingly, she had
to admit, the woman was attractive.
Wide smile, small pearls gleaming
neon white under the lights. Her
own were a few shades grayer.
Mr. Cantaloupe had ambled off
to a dart game. Gleaming Pearls
excused herself and headed
for the Ladies Room. Actually,
the timing was perfect for
two strangers to admit
chemicals exploding between them.
From smooth tapered fingers,
he gave her his number. She gave
him hers. It’s a short life.

About purplepeninportland

I am a freelance poet, born and bred in Brooklyn, New York. I live with my husband, John, and two charming rescue dogs–Marion Miller and Murphy. We spent eight lovely years in Portland, OR, but are now back in New York. My goal is to create and share poetry with others who write, or simply enjoy reading poetry. I hope to touch a nerve in you, and feel your sparks as well.
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21 Responses to Marbled Jade

  1. Frank Hubeny says:

    Nice description: “a cantaloupe
    with seeds for brains.”

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Misky says:

    You crack me up: “a cantaloupe with seeds for brains”


  3. Xan says:

    Truly, you have entered the world of immortal poets with “a cantaloupe with seeds for brains”


  4. rothpoetry says:

    Love all your descriptions! Especially this one:
    He was
    proving to be a cantaloupe
    with seeds for brains.

    You are a smooth operator!!


  5. pvcann says:

    So many truths, and which made me smile too.


  6. I like how they quickly evolved into names from the metaphors. “Cantaloupe with seeds for brains” sounds like an awful date.


  7. Beverly Crawford says:

    Next time I’m at a singles bar, I’m sure I will see only cantelopes!


  8. Love ‘Cantaloupe with seeds for brains’!


  9. Cantaloupes exists to be devoured by pearly teeth don’t they?
    In the end we’re left with the good ones.


  10. Rob Kistner says:

    Excellent use of metaphor Sara! Creatively conceived, and very effective! A cantalope… 🙂


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